Five years

Loosing you,
way-too-soon,
helped me to realize:

I´ll never feel whole again,
this side of Heaven;

no day in this lifetime
will escape imperforate -

every one will bear
the pockmarks of that ache.

Which, in turn,
has over-turned
the seemingly perfect leaf,
revealing pulsing, living veins:

waiting for things to be "perfect",
for it to be the "right" moment,

is a
useless
waste
of
time.

This day
is a gift

that I won´t waste on
waiting.

So, on this beautiful,
imperfect today,

I´ll say what needs to be said,
my words hovering like morning fog
that disappears with the sunrise,
without attaching myself
to actions or reactions.

I´ll go outside and just breathe,
and pet the muddy, shedding dog

whose whole body wags with joy,

even if there are paw prints

to scrub out, later.

I´ll write the letter,

make the phone call,

re-pot the plant,
strip the bed,

drink the tea.

I´ll be.

Here.

Now.

Not because it´s

"what you would have done",

though you did,

nor because you were, somehow,

denied the time I thought you deserved,

but because 

it´s what you are doing,

now,

I´m sure:

being present 

in an eternal NOW.

So I´ll see you

there,

and everywhere,

until I see you

THERE,

where we can drink eternal tea

and laugh about that time

we struggled with dreams

and with saying good-bye;

where there is no waiting,

no desiring more,
or less,

only being

and loving 

in the eternal present

and saying hello,
saying yes,

again and again,

infinitely wider circles

merging into one,

engulfing what was

and what might come

with

what

is.